OMGosh, you guys. I just found a blog post I wrote five years ago and it's unbelievable to see where I was then compared to where I'm at now. I needed photography on a professional level. Truthfully and honestly needed it. Have you ever felt that way about your passion in life? I honestly forgot how painful that was for me and how scared I was at the time. Now looking back though, I feel like I've gone far beyond where I thought I would. Our hearts speak to us and tell us exactly what we need. You owe it to yourself to follow it through! Don't be ever be scared to follow your dreams.
Here is the blog post. It was titled: My Own Worst Enemy ( SO TRUE.)
"I can't tell you how many times over the years I've heard, "You should sell these!!!" or "You could totally do this for a living!" after sharing something that I've made and honestly, I truly believe them. I really could make a decent living by pursuing my artistic and creative abilities. The problem is that I am horrified to either try or to ask other people to believe in me enough to give it a real and long lasting shot.
You need someone to believe in you enough to help you get your start. Whether it's to provide you with the tools themselves to get you started or the encouragement and support to do it yourself, someone believing in you is imperative. If no one else believes in you how are you supposed to believe in yourself? That has become my biggest challenge. I've been told I'm pretty good at several things. I've even made some money baking and decorating cupcakes and selling crocheted hats and stuff... I never take those ideas as far they could go though.
I'm too afraid to.
I'm afraid of disappointing people. I'm afraid people won't like me or what I have to offer. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I'm afraid of investing in a professional DLSR just in case I wouldn't be able to build a client base as a photographer because I'd be taking that money from my family. I'm afraid to even seriously discuss purchasing professional photography equipment because I'm afraid of being dismissed and not taken seriously. I've brought it up casually but never really asked to spend that kind of money to start a business. I'm afraid to suggest that we spend our money, that my husband worked hard to earn, on my dream instead of his and our kid's. I'm afraid of being selfish by asking to put my dream ahead of my family's.
Am I the only weirdo who thinks like this?
At 18 I became a mommy and that changed everything. The need to have a stable career trumped my passion for photography and other artsy avenues and school become my focus. I pursued different medical certifications and careers because, well, it sounded good. It sounded like something I should do to provide for my child but it wasn't what I really wanted. Becoming a photographer would have to wait because I could barely afford gas to get to work, much less a professional camera. They are expensive! As the years passed, the larger my family became and less important money for my dreams became. Why buy a camera for myself when kids need shoes, football equipment, food, haircuts, etc? Even knowing that I would earn the money spent on it back with in a few months, it's still scary.
I stand in my own way all the time. I make up excuses and never seriously do anything to try and become a photographer because I'm afraid of a bunch of what ifs. I'm afraid even though I know I would be good at it. What the hell is that about? I sweep it under the rug as if it's a hobby rather than a career dream because it's less disappointing not being able to do it professionally.
Maybe I could sell like, 80 crocheted hats this winter and save all the money from that and babysitting. I'm determined to start saving where we can so I can at least try to become a photographer. I can study while I save and practice with my point and shoot. I'm 33 and not getting any younger. Maybe if I make it a priority to believe in myself more, others will follow suit. This is something I need to at least try to accomplish in my life and it's time to start pursuing it now.
It's time to learn how to move out of my way."
Oh man, I honestly get emoitional reading this! And, if I'm being honest, I'm a little scared to share it. The thing is, I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way. Here I am 5 years later looking back on this post as a published, award winning wedding photographer with multiple DLSRs, lenses, and other really fun equipment. Dreams come true, friends, if you're willing to reach out and catch them <3